a topic about suicide..

[TAK82]

I had a-lot of friend's during my childhood and my teenage years, back then when we were stupid and unknowing of the world we lived in.

but i had a this friend who was alway's downstair's in the apartment we lived in and we'd hang out outside playing catch with our nerf balls and frisbee's and watching the cat's just sitting on the grass and sit on the lawn reading look's on our barefoot's..

my friend at the time was homeschooled since he was a child,

i was about 3 years older than him but we were both pre-teens..

i used to go on bike trail's wiht him and his dad "Chris Smith", who was a very enthusiastic biker and alway's read books and was smart,

but then came the day when he was to attend high school,
i alway's wondered how he'd fit in,
for a while, he fitted in well,
he was a student of the french class, and drama class was also a avid wrestler too,

but the sight of him hanging out with loser's and fucking crackheads was very irritating and bothersome to me..
these fuckhead white stereotype trashheads poisoned my friend's mind and conscience,

he was soon coming home very late and getting in fight's with his parents..he was an only child,
soon, he was caught with that white loser's trash charade for sneaking into the movie theaters,


he did drug's and smoked weed and drank excessivly

i blame myself for not taking alot attention to his trouble's and trying to help him out,

He commited suicide on April 30th 2001, jumped off a bridge on lee highway and shreve road in fairfax county virginia...he was found dead on shoulder lane on Interstate 66 West

witnesse's say he was driving a 1988 honda civic and tried to ram the car off the road, when it failed, he got up on the bridge rail's and jumped, landed headfirst,

when i heard the new's of his suicide, it was utterly unbelievable, I could hear my sister sobbing excessivly on the phone trying to break the new's, I could hear crowd's of people talking in the background

i was away from home at the time this happened,
when i did get home, i saw a crowd of people and a pair of police cruiser's with the officer's surrounding the parents, Chris was calm with a defeated look in his eyes, his wife , susan was sobbing and saying "why..why?..my davie's gone!!
she tried to kill herself by running into a tree, but the people stopped her,

I felt helpless, i wanted to blame myself, i just had this sudden feeling of revenge and an empty spot in my heart,

It later turn's out that the autopsy report stated that he was on narcotics..marijuana was found in the back seat of the civic,
his head from the fall was so disfigured, his head looked like it had been shaped with body putty because it sure didnt' look like him..

after the viewing of his body which was to be buried in a few hours,
i wanted to find the fuck's who cast their degenerative influence on him and shoot them in their heads,

I myself refused to be a stereotype, especially a white stereotype, doing stupid shit, doing drugs and causing trouble,

i'm writing this because it's been 6 years since the incident happened and I've alway's felt for my friend who could have had a better life,

I looked at the VT shooter in TV and thought.."that could've been me, the guy went through the same shit my friend did and reached his breaking point,


My friend's name was "David Lee Smith"
Race:Half chinese/Half white american-german
Age of death:18

The parent's are still living on..with a pain of a loss of a loved one that will linger in their heart's for the rest of their lives..

all i can do is weep for them..

[ereeves116]

very sorry to hear that dude. i know a guy who committed suicide because his parents put too much pressure on him to do well in school and even though he was one of the first people to score a perfect 1600 on the old SAT, they still wanted more from him and he had nothing left to give.

but i'd really appreciate, as a white person, that you cut the white racism. i'm sorry that it happened to be a white group of friends who did this to your friend but it could have been anyone.

do your best and remember the best times the two of you have. i know how you feel when these memories and emotions come back out of nowhere.

[busy_squirrel]

That sucks dude.

But he chose hisd friends and lifestyle. You can't change freewill.

Besides, those times, the ones that you spent hanging with him, bike trails and such, means that you tried to be friend he needed. So you shouldn't really be blaming yourself either.

[wilburisthecoolest]

There is no reason to blame yourself. You always look back on situations and think, i could do more, but you cant. You did what you could do and you were there. Thats all anyone can do.

I knew the victim and the shooter of a shooting at my highschool recently. I was in collage, but i still remember them both. Death finds a place deep inside you to strike with pain, but you mustn't let it fester inside you and cause depression. Guilt finds the same spot. Dont let it ruin you. You did your best, you were there.

I can tell you some zen bullshit about everything happening for a reason, but you wont believe me, but it does man. You just have to accept life and be strong.

[03-Accent-03]

That sucks and all, but what the fuck does his race have to do with anything???

You have issues dude, go talk to a counselor about the race thing...

[TAK82]

Originally Posted by 03-Accent-03

That sucks and all, but what the fuck does his race have to do with anything???

You have issues dude, go talk to a counselor about the race thing...

it's just a friggin background about him!!..profile if you will,

i have issue's? we all have issues!!

you don't know what's it like to have a best friend who's taken his own life..

[endlessmike]

people who kill themselves are fucking suckers. man up and smell the god damn roses, and face life like you have a pair.

regardless of how much i dislike my life, i will never kill myself because i know its going to make at least 1 person happy to see me gone.

i have had a few friends and people ive known off themselves. its a selfish move, and doesnt deserve a single tear to be shed from anyone.

[ereeves116]

mike, you're a twat.

you may be cold and heartless but joseph is not and he's really hurt by this. yes, it was in the past and like all things, needs to be let go which can only be done by knowing it was not his fault. but who do you think you are to judge his friend and say that shit.

some people think suicide is an easy escape and others empathise, i'm not going to share my opinion, but when talking about death, i think you need to be a little more sensitive to peoples' emotions

[c0ven]

A soldier that was deployed with me, I never eally knew him as a friend, but we are all brothers. I know ppl picked on him and made fun of comments and things he talked about ,but regardless he was a pretty cool guy from what I understood. we all got home on Dec 8th 2006. In March of 2007 he took his own life. he had no children, nor brothers or sisters just a Mother he was close with. I was at work when I had gotten the Text Message of his suicide. Made the rest of my day pretty shitty. I cant help but think of the reason behind it. When I was younger like 13-14ish I use to write alot of poetry about suicide, and never knew why. I guess it was a cry for attention I dont know. now that I am older, and death has came for friends and family. I know it isnt something to be taken lightly. My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered a loss regardless of how. but you need not blame yourself Tak, ppl make there own choices in life regardless of influence of friends or family. All I do is remember the laughs, and smiles and wash away the sorrow of anything, I now live a life as peacefull and negative free as I can. But on a different note the white stereotype thing... thats a little racist for me. I am not going to preach to you, about love thy brother and other shit like that, but just makes me a little uneasy that you are totally blaming it on "white People" because of your friends death.

[cclngthr]

Originally Posted by wilburisthecoolest

There is no reason to blame yourself. You always look back on situations and think, i could do more, but you cant. You did what you could do and you were there. Thats all anyone can do.

I knew the victim and the shooter of a shooting at my highschool recently. I was in collage, but i still remember them both. Death finds a place deep inside you to strike with pain, but you mustn't let it fester inside you and cause depression. Guilt finds the same spot. Dont let it ruin you. You did your best, you were there.

I can tell you some zen bullshit about everything happening for a reason, but you wont believe me, but it does man. You just have to accept life and be strong.

I knew both well too. I taught the one that was shot from the time he was in 3rd grade.

My nephew also took his own life last year.

It also depends on the support system each person has.