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Why is it called PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
The front row of a Garth Brooks Concert

Q: Why aren't the Mexicans in the Olympics?
A: Because the ones who can run, swim, and jump are already in America!

Women are like hurricanes: when they come they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take the house and the car.

What did one tampon say to the other?
Nothing, they were both stuck-up bitches.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with... and the other carries groceries.

What makes five pounds of fat look really good? ... Nipples

:lol::lol:
 

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The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added," Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it."

With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it."

The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!" To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it."
 

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John turned up to work on monday morning with a black eye. His boss asked him what happened:

"Well yesterday in Church, there was this lady standing in front of me wearing a dress. Anyway, she kinda had it stuck up her arse like a chewie, so I pulled it out. She punched me!"

The next monday John tuns up to work with a black eye again. His boss asks what happened:

"Yesterday, in Church again, the same lady was in front of me, and had a chewie again. I learnt my lesson and didn't touch it. So the guy next to me decided to pull it out, and the lady turned around and saw me again....."

The next monday John turns up to work with two black eyes....

"Well, third time straight the same lady is standing in front of me again. Now she has punched me for pulling it out in the past, but this time it was already out, so I pused it back in!!"

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Q: What goes blonde-brunette blonde-brunette blonde-brunette?

A: A blonde doing cartwheels!
 
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